Fall and winter are my favorite times of the year. I love the chill in the air and the smell of wood burning in everyone's fireplace. It used to remind me of football season, bonfires out in the desert, the thrill of wearing a cute boy's letterman jacket.
Now it is kind of bittersweet. I have beautiful memories of falling in love with Matt. I am reminded of spending time out in Red Rock with my honey when we first started dating. I think of driving out to the ranch after work and finding him there waiting for me with our little bonfire going and a good drink. I think of driving around in the country with some cold drinks and my favorite spicy peanuts. I think of sitting out in the pasture in our lawn chairs in complete darkness except for the extraordinary stars above us and sweet Olivia walking right up to me and licking my hand (Olivia is a sweet cow J named). On weekends we would spend the whole day in bed with the exception of the quick trip to Smitty's to get some good barbeque.
It's bittersweet because all that was taken from us. We actually appreciated that land for it's beauty and peace and the gorgeous animals that roamed around on it and we will never set foot on it again. That place did not have a price on it, I couldn't even tell you what it is worth because to us and especially to Matt, it was priceless. It is also bittersweet because I remember driving home after work, the sunlight slowly slipping away, especially on Fridays when I wouldn't see J all weekend and I missed her so much it was physically painful. I would sob uncontrollably from the pain, guilt, sadness, and concern about what kind of scars the divorce had left her. As soon as I would reach the gate to the ranch, the anxiety would begin because I knew that as soon as I crossed that gate I would lose signal and could miss that important phone call if something happened to her.
But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? Life is so different now, it's amazing. Now we get to create new memories and traditions in our new home with our new baby and in turn replace the loss and sadness with new joy. My J is strong and beautiful and very loved. And the ranch...well, they have no idea what they have in their hands, that it means so much more than money, and we have what 'he' doesn't have anymore: we have each other. We have our family and our sweet kids and peace in our heart knowing that we truely love one another and understand what sacrifice and the appreciation of others really means.
Here's to more frozen windshields, Christmas carols on the radio, wearing shorts on Thanksgiving, and that ONE day of freezing weather where Central Texas flips out. Gotta love it!
Now it is kind of bittersweet. I have beautiful memories of falling in love with Matt. I am reminded of spending time out in Red Rock with my honey when we first started dating. I think of driving out to the ranch after work and finding him there waiting for me with our little bonfire going and a good drink. I think of driving around in the country with some cold drinks and my favorite spicy peanuts. I think of sitting out in the pasture in our lawn chairs in complete darkness except for the extraordinary stars above us and sweet Olivia walking right up to me and licking my hand (Olivia is a sweet cow J named). On weekends we would spend the whole day in bed with the exception of the quick trip to Smitty's to get some good barbeque.
It's bittersweet because all that was taken from us. We actually appreciated that land for it's beauty and peace and the gorgeous animals that roamed around on it and we will never set foot on it again. That place did not have a price on it, I couldn't even tell you what it is worth because to us and especially to Matt, it was priceless. It is also bittersweet because I remember driving home after work, the sunlight slowly slipping away, especially on Fridays when I wouldn't see J all weekend and I missed her so much it was physically painful. I would sob uncontrollably from the pain, guilt, sadness, and concern about what kind of scars the divorce had left her. As soon as I would reach the gate to the ranch, the anxiety would begin because I knew that as soon as I crossed that gate I would lose signal and could miss that important phone call if something happened to her.
But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? Life is so different now, it's amazing. Now we get to create new memories and traditions in our new home with our new baby and in turn replace the loss and sadness with new joy. My J is strong and beautiful and very loved. And the ranch...well, they have no idea what they have in their hands, that it means so much more than money, and we have what 'he' doesn't have anymore: we have each other. We have our family and our sweet kids and peace in our heart knowing that we truely love one another and understand what sacrifice and the appreciation of others really means.
Here's to more frozen windshields, Christmas carols on the radio, wearing shorts on Thanksgiving, and that ONE day of freezing weather where Central Texas flips out. Gotta love it!
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