the day i stopped caring

I quit. I quit trying to knock sense into all my friends that have put themselves in bad relationships. I am done offering advice and insight. I am done offering support, encouragement,compliments, and boosts of self-esteem.

I will now be one of those nice pleasant people that just smile and say, "I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. I am sure he is sorry. I am sure he will change. I am sure you will decide what is best for you and follow your heart."

I will also say:
"I am sure he just needed to deal with his stress when he went out drinking and got shit-faced while you were at home puking your guts out from the morning sickness. Poor guy."
"He's held you at gunpoint? Oh I am sure he didn't mean it."
"You're engaged? Your early twenties is the perfect time in your life to make such a life long commitment. You'll never end up divorced like me!"
"I wouldn't leave him no matter how much he emotionally/physically/mentally abuses you or takes you for granted. What if he is the best you can do and you end up all alone the rest of your life?! I mean come on, who is gonna want a gorgeous, intelligent girl with a successful career. Yuck."
"Girl, no matter how stupid he is for treating you so bad, you know he can change. You can always change ignorance. You can always make him love you a little bit more. Maybe one day you can start being his priority and not just his option."
"He has absolutely no interest in having children with you? Doesn't mean he doesn't love you."
"You think the marriage is falling apart and you should go to counseling if there is any chance of saving it but he won't go? He just wants you to 'get over it'? He is right you know. It's much easier to just pretend everything is ok. You are just blowing everything out of proportion anyway. It can't be that bad! You have a big house and a big car, what more do you want."

There was a girl once in her early twenties in a relatively crappy relationship. It really was just a dramatic volatile relationship because both her and the boyfriend were immature and inexperienced. I still think she deserves a better catch and that is only because at some point I actually cared about her and her family. But she has chosen to spend the rest of her life with him and although I am sad that at such a young age, she is so convinced that she can spend a beautiful and fulfilled lifetime with this boy, I am actually a little bit proud of her for one thing. When things got really bad, she made demands and had expectations that had to be met in order for the relationship to continue and as far as I know, she has kept such high standards and he has met them. I just wish them the best. The road only gets harder and harder from here on out.

So from now on, you're on your own. If you are having boy troubles, I will be able only to advise you to do the Christian thing and give forgiveness and second-chances in abundance no matter how offensive and disrespectful his behavior is. Everyone can change. If an alcoholic can get help for a DISEASE and counseling for emotional issues and be healed, if a wife-beater can promise to never raise his hand at you ever again and actually KEEP HIS PROMISE, and if a lazy-ass can LEARN to pick up his dirty socks and put down the toilet seat, then someone that just doesn't love you as much as you love him can surely change as well. I am sure there is some sort of treatment for that too. (I really hope you realize how sarcastic I am being! I actually believe someone can change in all those instances, but you cannot make someone love you more! They either do or they don't. )


P.S.

Dear Julie Pie,

None of this applies to you. You will be the one woman in my life and in my heart that I will torture with advice and compliments until you are in a loving relationship where you are respected and adored. I will continue to talk to you about what a healthy relationship should be like between a man and a woman and how God blessed us with the will and intelligence to make choices and achieve our happiness.

You may one day fall in love with a douche bag piece of crap that I will treat equally as crap and you will probably threaten to run away and screw up your life. If you do, I hope you learn from your grand mistake and that your heart heals quickly enough to realize that I was right all along and that you deserve more and only the best. You may even chose to not speak to me for months at a time because you think I just do not understand what it is like to be sooooo in love and how wonderful Mr. Shithead really is. That's ok. It's the price I will pay as your mother and it will hurt and I will miss you but I will love you and pray for you every night while you are away.

And I will be right here waiting for you with open arms and a shoulder to cry on when you are ready to come back home.

I love you pie.

Momma