Define forgiveness please

I am having a very difficult time defining forgiveness. It's strange because in my younger years I always considered myself to be very forgiving. I forgave my ex, the mean girls at school, my mom. Never felt I was carrying tons of weight on my heart from holding on to resentments and anger.

But now? Oh boy! I just do not know what it is exactly that I need to say or do to feel like i have 'forgiven' so that I can free myself of this heaviness in my heart. What does it take? Am I supposed to just 'forgive and forget' as they say and pretend it never happened? Doesn't that just make me stupid and leave the door wide open for them to hurt us again? Am I suppose to do some sort of grand gesture so that the people that have hurt me and my loved ones are 'forgiven'? Am I obligated to restore the relationship with these people just to show that I am a nice and forgiving person? Do I have to even be friendly or anything more than cordial?

Should it matter that some of the things done to us were done intentionally? Some maliciously? Are they allowed to use the excuse of just being plain stupid when I think they are just cowards? Am I obligated to extend the olive branch over and over again and 'get along' with people I really have no need for in my life, especially if I know there is a great chance that they will hurt us again? Does it require an apology on their part first? If someone has hurt my dearest loved one, is it 'disloyal' of me to pretend that person was never an utter ass to my loved one?

I just can't figure out if there is supposed to be some sort of defining moment that exhalts my forgiveness so that I can just move on already. It seems that until there is this huge dramatic moment, I will continue to be the bad guy. Oh and while I'm at, can I ask if it is written somewhere that I am also obligated to get along with everyone or like them? Isn't it enough if I just tolerate them?