It is an issue that causes me great conflict and tremendous guilt. I always believed I was destined for greatness.... now I am not sure if I achieved it or if it is yet to come. And the fact that this is actually on my mind makes me feel ashamed because I should feel grateful for the blessings that I do have instead of wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. I should appreciate every day I live instead of trying to meet an expectation or a timeline.
My husband adores me and my children are healthy and beautiful. I have not suffered great pain in my life. My parents are still married to each other and are healthy and alive. My siblings are successful in their own lives and have given me a beautiful niece, nephew, and wonderful 'in-laws'. I have a roof over my head and a vehicle that gets me from point A to B. I have some of the things that others wish they had. So what is missing? Which little basket is still empty?
- Relationship basket: CHECK; I have a wonderful, hard working, supportive, and very handsome husband.
- Children basket: CHECK; two beautiful children
- Home basket: CHECK; bought and sold a few
- Degree basket: CHECK; took forever but I finished!
- Career basket: BLAH!
- Finances basket: YUCK!
Career and finance. Can those just not fit in the category of blessings from God? Yes, I know. Money cannot buy you love and happiness. I'm just frustrated. I'm frustrated with 'getting by', 'surviving another 8 hours in the cubicle', the prospect of filing, looking at these numbers day in and day out, looking at the scale day in and day out.
So here it is, here is how I'm going to see it.... I am just a few hops and skips away from the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and just because I'm 34 doesn't mean I don’t have enough steam in me to take those last few steps. What's in my future? Making the most out of this real estate opportunity and my husband's new company. Finally being financially comfortable to be able to take a sigh of relief and be available for my family. Being so satisfied in my career that I can be excited to get out of bed every morning.
That is where I am headed. Greatness.
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