Relational Aggression-look it up

I need to get this off my chest. I need to say out loud that bullies suck. There is this tiny little spot in my heart that weighs just a bit more than the rest. In it is ... well, i guess it's sadness, hurt feelings. Sadness brought on by years of girls just being downright mean. And you know, now looking back I realize that the one and only thing in common with every threat, ugly glance, silent treatment, my car getting keyed over and over, or nasty rumor was a boy. Some ridiculous, ugly-ass boy that in the end was worth nothing to any of us anyway. Whether it was because I was friends with a certain boy or because someone assumed their boyfriend wanted me or because they desperately wanted my boyfriend and couldn't have him. Whatever. And of course, if one girl doesn't like you, that means the other 10 in their little 'clique' doesn't like you either.

I know, I know...some of you, especially the boys will think this topic is RIDICULOUS and SOOOO 'high school' and it is but it is during high school that we as girls are building our self-esteem, are living dramatic broken hearts, and establishing friendships so no matter how stupid it all seems, I know it is important. And I know it will be important for me to be very in tune with Julianne and what is going on in her life. I want Julianne to have tougher skin than I did and realize that there are girls out there that will be driven by envy to say and do very mean things. I want her to know that she will have our support and will be there to defend her when she wants us to. (Like she said in kindergarten, "My stepdad will kill you!") I want her to never have to apologize for being prettier or smarter or happier or nicer.

So now being old and wise (and brave), i took it upon myself to reach out to a few of those people that I hadn't spoken to in years or ever because I thought they didn't like me. I figured I would reach out and hopefully feel better and I do. I wasn't losing sleep over lost friendships for the last 15 years but it still made me sad to know we shared mutual friends but didn't speak to each other. It sure feels good to have them in my life now and hopefully they take the time to get to know who I am and like me now that there are no boys in the way. ;)

I'm not the sweetest person you'll ever meet,I've never been super popular or gone out of my way to make friends but if we are friends, you will always hear the truth when you ask for it. I will try to help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will not hide my faults from you. I will never envy you and if I do, I'll tell you cuz I have nothing to hide. The nicest thing anyone ever called me was 'genuine' and i liked that.

(There are still a few people I cant bring myself to reach out to cuz they were just way too mean, but I know resentment is toxic so one day I will be ready to do it. One day.)

Pheeeewwwww I feel a lot better. I have everything and I'm blessed.