Showing posts with label juliepie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label juliepie. Show all posts
Friday, August 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Third grade
Dear Julie Pie,
Third grade is only a few weeks away from wrapping up and by the looks of it, you are going to end the year on a high note (all A's possibly). This year has been tremendous for you. This was your first FULL school year with dyslexia class and you have embraced everything Ms. Walther has taught you and just amazed us. I must say that we are VERY blessed to have such wonderful teachers and staff at Emile that really do love their job and are sincere in wanting the students to succeed. (Mrs. Robertson, Mrs. Walther, Mrs. Garrison, Ms. Renee, and all the other staff that has shown J patience and love ....we thank you. You have made a lasting impression and difference in my child's life and I will forever be grateful. )
Fortunately, the year went by with very little incident. Grades remained steady and high, no major behavior issues other than the lack of focus in class from time to time. Oh wait! There were a few incidents in STARS worth noting. I will never let you forget how you scratched that boy and made him bleed when you were all playing bombs with the branches from the pecan trees. It was a small group that chose to NOT follow the rules but you were the unlucky one that drew blood and got into trouble. It was hilarious that you kept crying and were terrified to tell Matty because you said he was going to be mad and punish you by taking away your bed. Then we ended the year off with talking about the two flies in the playground that 'were just mating. you know, like S*E*X'. I really hope you understood why although it was ok to watch this on Animal Planet, it was inappropriate for the playground.
You continue to be beautiful and kind. You have embraced even more family members into your life this year and shown them that there is no such thing as having too many people love you. You are a wonderful big sister even though he torments you and hurts you daily. You make me proud every day, sweet girl. I hope we have a wonderful and fun summer together.
Love always,
Momma
Third grade is only a few weeks away from wrapping up and by the looks of it, you are going to end the year on a high note (all A's possibly). This year has been tremendous for you. This was your first FULL school year with dyslexia class and you have embraced everything Ms. Walther has taught you and just amazed us. I must say that we are VERY blessed to have such wonderful teachers and staff at Emile that really do love their job and are sincere in wanting the students to succeed. (Mrs. Robertson, Mrs. Walther, Mrs. Garrison, Ms. Renee, and all the other staff that has shown J patience and love ....we thank you. You have made a lasting impression and difference in my child's life and I will forever be grateful. )
Fortunately, the year went by with very little incident. Grades remained steady and high, no major behavior issues other than the lack of focus in class from time to time. Oh wait! There were a few incidents in STARS worth noting. I will never let you forget how you scratched that boy and made him bleed when you were all playing bombs with the branches from the pecan trees. It was a small group that chose to NOT follow the rules but you were the unlucky one that drew blood and got into trouble. It was hilarious that you kept crying and were terrified to tell Matty because you said he was going to be mad and punish you by taking away your bed. Then we ended the year off with talking about the two flies in the playground that 'were just mating. you know, like S*E*X'. I really hope you understood why although it was ok to watch this on Animal Planet, it was inappropriate for the playground.
You continue to be beautiful and kind. You have embraced even more family members into your life this year and shown them that there is no such thing as having too many people love you. You are a wonderful big sister even though he torments you and hurts you daily. You make me proud every day, sweet girl. I hope we have a wonderful and fun summer together.
Love always,
Momma
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tina Fey
This is just toooo brilliant not to keep forever and I took the liberty to mark * my favorite parts.
A Mother's Prayer For Its Child by Tina Fey (from her book BossyPants)
“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches. ******
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer. *****
Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age. *******
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait. *******
O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it. *****LOVE IT*******
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes. *******LOVE IT*******
Amen.”
-Tina Fey
A Mother's Prayer For Its Child by Tina Fey (from her book BossyPants)
“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches. ******
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer. *****
Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age. *******
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait. *******
O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it. *****LOVE IT*******
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes. *******LOVE IT*******
Amen.”
-Tina Fey
Monday, March 21, 2011
Dear Juliepie, I promise I will make your life difficult.
Dear Julie Pie,
Growing up I used to think Mima was nuts. She used to spy on me while I was at school, cut the cords off the tvs and phones so we wouldn't waste time on that nonsense while she was at work, scared my friends away, and never really let me be social as a teenager. Unfortunately on many occasions we got into very ugly fights that usually led to lots of scratching, pushing, etc. She really believed in tough love and often took it a bit far. Mima was not very nurturing or affectionate. No one ever taught her what affection was. She was not very patient and I wouldn't ever use the word 'sweet' in the same sentence as her name. She put the fear of God in us, as they say.
But now I am the mother of a gorgeous and intelligent little girl. And I want you to know that I will also put the fear of God in you! Yup, I am. I pray to God that I have the strength to be just a bit as strict with you as my mom was with me so that you can also grow up to be strong, confidant, and hardworking. And when you have graduated college, made all your dreams come true, and are starting your own family with a man that will worship the ground you walk on, you will thank me.
So when you are cursing at me and telling me how much you hate me and that I just do not understand you and what it is like to be a teenager, I know that one day you will no longer be an ungrateful, bratty teenager that thinks they are invincible. Although I want you to make mistakes and learn lessons on your own, I hope I can keep you from making mistakes that can change your path in life forever. I hope I can teach you that we are very blessed with what we have and you can have anything you want as long as you work hard to get because nothing will be just handed to you. I promise to continue to shower you with love and praise and affection. I do not want you to ever suffer the awkward notion of not knowing what it is like to hear me say "I love you and I am proud of you".
So when I don't let you go to that party or allow you to come home at 3 am or date that boy that is bad news, I hope you understand and remember that I love you.
Love always,
Momma
Growing up I used to think Mima was nuts. She used to spy on me while I was at school, cut the cords off the tvs and phones so we wouldn't waste time on that nonsense while she was at work, scared my friends away, and never really let me be social as a teenager. Unfortunately on many occasions we got into very ugly fights that usually led to lots of scratching, pushing, etc. She really believed in tough love and often took it a bit far. Mima was not very nurturing or affectionate. No one ever taught her what affection was. She was not very patient and I wouldn't ever use the word 'sweet' in the same sentence as her name. She put the fear of God in us, as they say.
But now I am the mother of a gorgeous and intelligent little girl. And I want you to know that I will also put the fear of God in you! Yup, I am. I pray to God that I have the strength to be just a bit as strict with you as my mom was with me so that you can also grow up to be strong, confidant, and hardworking. And when you have graduated college, made all your dreams come true, and are starting your own family with a man that will worship the ground you walk on, you will thank me.
So when you are cursing at me and telling me how much you hate me and that I just do not understand you and what it is like to be a teenager, I know that one day you will no longer be an ungrateful, bratty teenager that thinks they are invincible. Although I want you to make mistakes and learn lessons on your own, I hope I can keep you from making mistakes that can change your path in life forever. I hope I can teach you that we are very blessed with what we have and you can have anything you want as long as you work hard to get because nothing will be just handed to you. I promise to continue to shower you with love and praise and affection. I do not want you to ever suffer the awkward notion of not knowing what it is like to hear me say "I love you and I am proud of you".
So when I don't let you go to that party or allow you to come home at 3 am or date that boy that is bad news, I hope you understand and remember that I love you.
Love always,
Momma
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Second grade
Dear Julie Pie,
You are almost done with the second grade. Yippeee! It has turned out to be quite a successful year. Your teacher this year is Ms. Semer and with her patience and sincere concern, she has given us some peace and hope that you will do just fine. She helped us aggressively pursue having you tested for dyslexia and after all those tests you were identified as dyslexic. According to the teacher that conducted the tests, you were not a clear cut case but needless to say she said you could definitely benefit from the tools she had to offer. Your dad and I sat in that room with Ms Garrison, Ms Semer, Mr King, and Ms Walther and I couldn't help but get a bit choked up because it was such a sense of relief after years of frustration wondering if it was ADHD or your eyesight. And you know what, since you started going to Ms Walther for reading, you have made the AB Honor Roll, scored several 100s on spelling tests, and even improved in all your other work. You seem so much more focused and organized. I am so proud of you honey. So, so proud that you have taken this in stride and flourished.
You've also mastered and changed in little ways and of course these things are probably only significant to me, but that's ok...
Well, the biggest thing is that you learned how to ride your bike and to me this is the most amazing thing ever! I get a certain joy in my heart to watch you ride and feel free and I think it is because it takes me back to when I was your age and I used to leave on my bike for hours at a time. The sense of escape and freedom was tremendous. One night we were having girlfriend night while T and Matty were at Uncle Lucas' house when we saw on SuperNanny how this daddy took his son out to a big soccer field to teach him how to ride. We both looked at each other and instantly loaded up my car with your bike and went down to Fisherman's Park. It was amazing watching you take off.
This coming Saturday you will receive your First Communion. You are going to look so beautiful in your white dress. I still remember mine like it was yesterday. I hope your day is as special as mine was many many moons ago.
You are getting so big, my love. You are definitely not my little baby anymore because I cannot carry you to your bed when you fall asleep in the car. But you are still my baby and treasure these days because soon enough the doll house and play-kitchen in your room will no longer be awesome. But when that time comes, I hope you still enjoy my company and my hugs. I pray that when that time comes you are strong, kind, giving, and confident. I hope you trust me and like me.
I love you Sweet Girl. I miss you when you are gone and I think about you always.
Love, Momma
You are almost done with the second grade. Yippeee! It has turned out to be quite a successful year. Your teacher this year is Ms. Semer and with her patience and sincere concern, she has given us some peace and hope that you will do just fine. She helped us aggressively pursue having you tested for dyslexia and after all those tests you were identified as dyslexic. According to the teacher that conducted the tests, you were not a clear cut case but needless to say she said you could definitely benefit from the tools she had to offer. Your dad and I sat in that room with Ms Garrison, Ms Semer, Mr King, and Ms Walther and I couldn't help but get a bit choked up because it was such a sense of relief after years of frustration wondering if it was ADHD or your eyesight. And you know what, since you started going to Ms Walther for reading, you have made the AB Honor Roll, scored several 100s on spelling tests, and even improved in all your other work. You seem so much more focused and organized. I am so proud of you honey. So, so proud that you have taken this in stride and flourished.
You've also mastered and changed in little ways and of course these things are probably only significant to me, but that's ok...
Well, the biggest thing is that you learned how to ride your bike and to me this is the most amazing thing ever! I get a certain joy in my heart to watch you ride and feel free and I think it is because it takes me back to when I was your age and I used to leave on my bike for hours at a time. The sense of escape and freedom was tremendous. One night we were having girlfriend night while T and Matty were at Uncle Lucas' house when we saw on SuperNanny how this daddy took his son out to a big soccer field to teach him how to ride. We both looked at each other and instantly loaded up my car with your bike and went down to Fisherman's Park. It was amazing watching you take off.
This coming Saturday you will receive your First Communion. You are going to look so beautiful in your white dress. I still remember mine like it was yesterday. I hope your day is as special as mine was many many moons ago.
You are getting so big, my love. You are definitely not my little baby anymore because I cannot carry you to your bed when you fall asleep in the car. But you are still my baby and treasure these days because soon enough the doll house and play-kitchen in your room will no longer be awesome. But when that time comes, I hope you still enjoy my company and my hugs. I pray that when that time comes you are strong, kind, giving, and confident. I hope you trust me and like me.
I love you Sweet Girl. I miss you when you are gone and I think about you always.
Love, Momma
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The dreaded day
December 14, 2009
Julie Pie,
December 13, 2009- You asked your dad why momma and daddy got a divorce.
You had asked once or twice before about parents ‘separating’ but I had never heard you say the word ‘divorce’. I sure wasn’t going to ask you if you had ever heard the word. I honestly wasn’t sure if the day would come when you would ask. I didn’t think you knew any different or remembered enough of us as a family to ever really miss how it once was.
But if you are now reading this, it must be because you are old enough to want a more detailed explanation. I am sure that throughout your life, we will have these conversations many times and as you get older, I will share more and more details. You must want to know what your dad and I were like when we first met and got married and brought you into this world. You must want to know what went wrong.
Here are some basic truths, some facts just to get us started:
Your dad was not and is not a bad person.
He was a good provider, a wonderful father, and a good person.
I filed for divorce. I made the choice for all of us.
I do not want to play the victim, honey. Your daddy never did anything intentionally to hurt me. Your dad didn’t neglect his responsibilities, he wasn’t a cheater, drunk, or wife-beater. But throughout the years we had been together I had taught him how to treat me. What that means is that I allowed and/or accepted a lot of things your dad did instead of voicing my opinion or objecting. I justified a lot choices he made when deep down inside, I wasn’t happy with them. A lot of choices your dad made made me feel like I wasn’t special, like I wasn’t number 1 on his list of priorities. I was passive while he was passive-aggressive. So I am the one to blame because I kept it all in for so long that when I was finally overflowing with resentment, it was too late. I had so much resentment saved up inside of me that it had slowly chipped away at the love I had for him. I have this image in my head of a glass filled with love then you start pouring resentment into in and the love starts spilling out until there is no more left and not only is the cup full of only resentment but it’s now overflowing.
These reasons may not seem significant to you. You may be angry and think that I was selfish and that I messed everything up. I understand. My mom always told me when she fought with my dad that one day I would be married and that I would understand how you could be so angry and dislike so much the one person you once loved like crazy and she was right. My mistake was to be so passive for so long. For always agreeing with how he wanted to do things, for trying to be more like he wanted me to be, for being silent just so that all of his and my family would be happy with us. Some day I can tell you all the little things I carry in my heart that led me to so much resentment, honey. I won’t tell you now because it is not my intention to place blame on him or make him look like the bad guy. He wasn’t. He isn’t. I was just playing the martyr and I am not sure why.
When everything started to fall apart I wished so bad that I could put it all back together. I wished so bad that I could magically make myself FEEL better, make myself just ignore what was bothering me, and make myself just be madly in love and happy. Just for your sake, I wanted so badly to not feel the way I did. But I couldn’t. We were both just two different people at that point. I knew I could just stay married to daddy for your sake like so many people do sometimes but I was afraid that it may do more harm than good. I was afraid that you would learn from our example that it was ok to be in an unhappy marriage. I was afraid you would learn that it was ok to not have a voice in a marriage and that even if I changed and started to speak up, that if he wasn’t willing to accept me with a voice, that it would just result in screaming and ugliness. I didn’t want you to see sadness in my eyes ever.
Julianne, divorcing daddy was THEE hardest and saddest thing I have done in my life. And it was hard because of you. It was hard because I was sooooo scared about how you would be affected. I have always carried tremendous guilt for doing this to you and to him. Although it took both him and I to make things bad, I have always blamed myself. I feel like I was a dog tied up in the backyard that just wanted to cut that chain and run away and be free. And I was a wreck during and after the whole ordeal and it would make me so sad that I hoped and prayed that you wouldn’t see the sadness in my eyes. I love you so much and would give my life for you that often I would wonder why I hadn’t… staying with your daddy might have been like giving up my life and my soul and maybe I should have for you. Wondering if I made the right choice will haunt me forever because I don’t know if staying would have caused you more harm. I’ll never know but I weighed the pros and cons heavily. It was not a decision I made lightly or on a whim or as a gut reaction. And in the end I made the decision with conviction because I thought it was what was best for you and for me and even for dad.
When daddy moved out, you were still so little and I wondered how much you really grasped about what was going on. I was never sure if you really had any recollection of him and I as a couple. But I have always felt peace knowing that at least both you and I are sooooooo lucky that he is such a good daddy. He lives and breathes just for you, Julie. He always has since the day you were born. As of right now, he gladly drives back and forth between South Austin, San Marcos, and Bastrop for you. He tends to you like only most mommies do. There are so many kids out there whose dad moves out and then visits just once in a while but daddy tends to you like I do. He cooks your dinner, washes you little clothes, takes you to doctor appointments. We go to all your functions and go together to your teacher conferences. We share a special connection, a special passion, and that is YOU. We would do anything for you, J, and we both love you more than anything in the world. I respect your dad. I care for your dad. I love him and Jo and all of daddy’s family for loving you as much as they do.
I hope that throughout the years our love is enough to make up for everything else that is missing in your life because of our divorce. I hope that the scars my decisions created are minimal and that all the good that has come out of this outweighs the bad. Your life is now filled with an extended family on both sides that love you dearly. You have two stepparents that are there for you 100% and that love you very much. And I pray and hope that I have been able to show you what a strong relationship full of love and respect looks like.
I love you forever.
Momma
Julie Pie,
December 13, 2009- You asked your dad why momma and daddy got a divorce.
You had asked once or twice before about parents ‘separating’ but I had never heard you say the word ‘divorce’. I sure wasn’t going to ask you if you had ever heard the word. I honestly wasn’t sure if the day would come when you would ask. I didn’t think you knew any different or remembered enough of us as a family to ever really miss how it once was.
But if you are now reading this, it must be because you are old enough to want a more detailed explanation. I am sure that throughout your life, we will have these conversations many times and as you get older, I will share more and more details. You must want to know what your dad and I were like when we first met and got married and brought you into this world. You must want to know what went wrong.
Here are some basic truths, some facts just to get us started:
Your dad was not and is not a bad person.
He was a good provider, a wonderful father, and a good person.
I filed for divorce. I made the choice for all of us.
I do not want to play the victim, honey. Your daddy never did anything intentionally to hurt me. Your dad didn’t neglect his responsibilities, he wasn’t a cheater, drunk, or wife-beater. But throughout the years we had been together I had taught him how to treat me. What that means is that I allowed and/or accepted a lot of things your dad did instead of voicing my opinion or objecting. I justified a lot choices he made when deep down inside, I wasn’t happy with them. A lot of choices your dad made made me feel like I wasn’t special, like I wasn’t number 1 on his list of priorities. I was passive while he was passive-aggressive. So I am the one to blame because I kept it all in for so long that when I was finally overflowing with resentment, it was too late. I had so much resentment saved up inside of me that it had slowly chipped away at the love I had for him. I have this image in my head of a glass filled with love then you start pouring resentment into in and the love starts spilling out until there is no more left and not only is the cup full of only resentment but it’s now overflowing.
These reasons may not seem significant to you. You may be angry and think that I was selfish and that I messed everything up. I understand. My mom always told me when she fought with my dad that one day I would be married and that I would understand how you could be so angry and dislike so much the one person you once loved like crazy and she was right. My mistake was to be so passive for so long. For always agreeing with how he wanted to do things, for trying to be more like he wanted me to be, for being silent just so that all of his and my family would be happy with us. Some day I can tell you all the little things I carry in my heart that led me to so much resentment, honey. I won’t tell you now because it is not my intention to place blame on him or make him look like the bad guy. He wasn’t. He isn’t. I was just playing the martyr and I am not sure why.
When everything started to fall apart I wished so bad that I could put it all back together. I wished so bad that I could magically make myself FEEL better, make myself just ignore what was bothering me, and make myself just be madly in love and happy. Just for your sake, I wanted so badly to not feel the way I did. But I couldn’t. We were both just two different people at that point. I knew I could just stay married to daddy for your sake like so many people do sometimes but I was afraid that it may do more harm than good. I was afraid that you would learn from our example that it was ok to be in an unhappy marriage. I was afraid you would learn that it was ok to not have a voice in a marriage and that even if I changed and started to speak up, that if he wasn’t willing to accept me with a voice, that it would just result in screaming and ugliness. I didn’t want you to see sadness in my eyes ever.
Julianne, divorcing daddy was THEE hardest and saddest thing I have done in my life. And it was hard because of you. It was hard because I was sooooo scared about how you would be affected. I have always carried tremendous guilt for doing this to you and to him. Although it took both him and I to make things bad, I have always blamed myself. I feel like I was a dog tied up in the backyard that just wanted to cut that chain and run away and be free. And I was a wreck during and after the whole ordeal and it would make me so sad that I hoped and prayed that you wouldn’t see the sadness in my eyes. I love you so much and would give my life for you that often I would wonder why I hadn’t… staying with your daddy might have been like giving up my life and my soul and maybe I should have for you. Wondering if I made the right choice will haunt me forever because I don’t know if staying would have caused you more harm. I’ll never know but I weighed the pros and cons heavily. It was not a decision I made lightly or on a whim or as a gut reaction. And in the end I made the decision with conviction because I thought it was what was best for you and for me and even for dad.
When daddy moved out, you were still so little and I wondered how much you really grasped about what was going on. I was never sure if you really had any recollection of him and I as a couple. But I have always felt peace knowing that at least both you and I are sooooooo lucky that he is such a good daddy. He lives and breathes just for you, Julie. He always has since the day you were born. As of right now, he gladly drives back and forth between South Austin, San Marcos, and Bastrop for you. He tends to you like only most mommies do. There are so many kids out there whose dad moves out and then visits just once in a while but daddy tends to you like I do. He cooks your dinner, washes you little clothes, takes you to doctor appointments. We go to all your functions and go together to your teacher conferences. We share a special connection, a special passion, and that is YOU. We would do anything for you, J, and we both love you more than anything in the world. I respect your dad. I care for your dad. I love him and Jo and all of daddy’s family for loving you as much as they do.
I hope that throughout the years our love is enough to make up for everything else that is missing in your life because of our divorce. I hope that the scars my decisions created are minimal and that all the good that has come out of this outweighs the bad. Your life is now filled with an extended family on both sides that love you dearly. You have two stepparents that are there for you 100% and that love you very much. And I pray and hope that I have been able to show you what a strong relationship full of love and respect looks like.
I love you forever.
Momma
Monday, June 8, 2009
Your 7th birthday
Dear Julie Pie,
Sometimes I get so sad because you're growing up so very fast and although you are right there next to me, I feel like you are miles and miles away. I question myself and wonder if I really know who you are and who you will become. I think it is just because I get so caught up and busy in our day to day routine that I think I'm letting precious moments just slip on by and the guilt consumes me. And now as I say all this out loud, I realize that in the past we had so many special moments and I felt so connected to you because well....we really were VERY connected back then, connected at the hip. 'Back then' I didn't have to share you, 'back then' you didn't have to share me either, 'back then' we were together every second of every day. But honestly, regardless of the circumstances, I think this new dynamic to our relationship would have been inevitable so I try hard not to beat myself up too much. It's inevitable that you would grow up and mature and create new relationships and gain independence. It's inevitable that one day I will be just "Mom" and no longer "Momma".
You just finished the first grade. Just like kindergarten, starting off first grade was a little rough and worrisome. You were a bit behind the other kids with your reading and once again, you worked at a slower pace completing your classwork than everyone else. I think after two years of this and a variety of tests, I am comfortable knowing that you are absolutely perfect and intelligent and not only are you a perfectionist, but you are easily bored. And not only that, we have accepted that every school year will start off the same taking into consideration that you will always be the youngest one in your class. Some of your classmates have been 7 since last fall while you had to wait until this summer. We have hopefully taught you this year that we want you just to do your best and not be afraid to try. We want you to know that as long as you have honestly tried, we do not expect perfection.
You excelled in math and art this year. Ms Jimenez would assign a few pages of math on Mondays that wouldn't be due until Friday and more often than not, you would zoom right through it in one sitting. It was amazing how easily your grasped math. You also brought home some of the most amazing artwork and even was chosen as a finalist in a local art contest.
You're growing leaps and bounds, Julie Pie. You're a little lady now and you continue to be radiant and gorgeous. You are sweet and caring and Tyler couldn't be more in love with you. You make him feel safe and happy and he looks for you when you are not here. I love you, sweet pea. You make me proud and make my heart whole. I look at you and constantly pray and hope that you grow up to feel strong and confident.
I want you to be a leader and not a follower. I want you to be aware of what you are worth and never be surprised when you discover that you've made an impression on someone. I want you to have thick skin to the envy and immaturity that is lurking right around the corner. I want you to know without a doubt that you belong to a family that loves you and supports you. I want you to know without a doubt where your soft place to fall is....always in my arms and in my heart.
Love,
Momma
P.S. Tell those two front teeth to hurry up!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Little lady
Dear Julie Pie,
You have been in the first grade for a few weeks now and you have grown up and matured tremendously. It just leaves me speechless when I stop to think about it because it is so amazing. So you wanna know how you have changed? Let me tell you... (and of course these things are probably only significant to me, but that's ok)....
No more arguing at bedtime. Hell, no more arguing period. It is amazing.
You take a shower all by yourself now. It's awesome.
YOU CAN READ! I LOVE IT!
You don't want the radio on when you fall asleep.
No more pull-ups. (sorry for the embarrassment).
No more sippie cups.
You walk in to school all by yourself.
You are trying a whole bunch of new foods.
We had a very busy summer (swim lessons, horse riding, science camp) and now that we are back in school, we are finally settled in a nice routine. Bed time is now so much easier and our morning routine is peaceful.
Sometimes I look at you and wonder what you will be like in a few years. It blows my mind that you are not a little toddler anymore and that in a second you will be a teenager. (oh oh!) When that time comes, I hope you are strong, kind, giving, and confident. I hope you trust me and like me. I love you Sweet Girl. I miss you when you are gone and I think about you always.
Love, Momma
You have been in the first grade for a few weeks now and you have grown up and matured tremendously. It just leaves me speechless when I stop to think about it because it is so amazing. So you wanna know how you have changed? Let me tell you... (and of course these things are probably only significant to me, but that's ok)....
No more arguing at bedtime. Hell, no more arguing period. It is amazing.
You take a shower all by yourself now. It's awesome.
YOU CAN READ! I LOVE IT!
You don't want the radio on when you fall asleep.
No more pull-ups. (sorry for the embarrassment).
No more sippie cups.
You walk in to school all by yourself.
You are trying a whole bunch of new foods.
We had a very busy summer (swim lessons, horse riding, science camp) and now that we are back in school, we are finally settled in a nice routine. Bed time is now so much easier and our morning routine is peaceful.
Sometimes I look at you and wonder what you will be like in a few years. It blows my mind that you are not a little toddler anymore and that in a second you will be a teenager. (oh oh!) When that time comes, I hope you are strong, kind, giving, and confident. I hope you trust me and like me. I love you Sweet Girl. I miss you when you are gone and I think about you always.
Love, Momma
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Sing Your Song
Dear Julie Pie,
I intended to write this a while back but put it off thinking I would mind my own business but then I realized that I could share these thoughts with you. I realized that if I couldn’t save all the other girls in the world, that I need to try my best to save you.
My sweet daughter…
Make some mistakes and learn from them. Just try to not make my mistakes. I already made them for you to learn from.
Do not ever settle. Do not ever settle with what you get from others or yourself. You deserve the world. You deserve respect and appreciation. You deserve to be important to someone else and to yourself. To love someone is to put their interests ahead of your own at times, to lift them up to be their best, to nurture them, to help them, to make them better at being who they are. Is it selfish to expect this? No. Is it fair to do the same for the one you love. Of course. That is what being in love and in a relationship is all about. You should be each others soft place to fall when you need comfort and support.
Is it lady like to be modest and humble, to not expect him to remember your birthday or anniversary? Is it ok to say you have received flowers only once in ten years from him? No, not really. I guarantee it’s not. Is it too much to ask for? No. So ask. So expect it.
Speak up. No one can read your mind. If you are not getting what you want or what you need, it is because you haven’t asked for it. If leaving the seat up is really that important compared to the big picture, then say so. You may not get what you want, but you never know. He may surprise you.
Pick your battles. You are not perfect either. The toilet seat up may drive you nuts but looking at your curling iron every morning may ruin his day. If your baby wants to wear striped pants with a polka dot shirt, I think she will be just fine.
Be humble and kind about your beauty. Accept it but do not flaunt it if it means you will hurt the insecure person next to you. Now that is really unattractive. It’s called being conceited. Confident and conceited are not the same thing. Know how to take a compliment. Just take the compliment. You deserve it.
Do not rush. You do not have to be married before you are 25. You do not have to have kids before you turn 30. Even if everyone else is. There are no rules. If you rush, you may make the wrong choice for all the wrong reasons. I promise you that you will look as beautiful in your wedding gown when you are 32 than you would at 22.
Do not always say yes. Have a backbone. We already had Someone sacrifice themselves so that we could be happy. Take that gift and love yourself. Sometimes it is ok to just say no. I guarantee no one will love you any less if you do.
Do not hold a grudge. When someone hurts you, they take power over you. When you do not forgive them, they keep that power. Just put it in God’s hands and believe in Karma. It has never failed me. J
Follow the Golden Rule always.
Do not stop smiling. “Nunca dejes de sonreir, ni siquiera cuando estes triste, porque nunca sabes quien se puede enamoroar de tu sonrisa.” –Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Do not try to heal the world unless you have already healed yourself. Unless you are a skilled professional and do it for a living, you cannot heal the world. You can comfort and support but you cannot solve everyone else’s problems. You will end up forgetting yourself. And if you are unhappy and empty, chances are that everyone around you that loves you has suffered for it somehow.
Sing your song. Do not be too busy or preoccupied with everyone else that you forget to sing your song. Be who you dreamed of being and do what you dreamed you would do. Time will quickly pass and you will find yourself with a long list of things that never got done.
Surrender to God. The highest expression of faith is to rest. So stop worrying and put it in God’s hands. Don’t pray for money or success or a man. Just pray for happiness because only He knows what form it will come in.
Don’t waste the pretty. You are pretty. You are definitely too pretty for him. And him. And him. Are you tall enough? Skinny enough? Are your nails perfect? Your hair perfect? Compared to what? You’re body will constantly change and one day what your body is capable of will amaze you so take care of it and accept it for what it is. You will not weigh at 35 what you weighed when you were 20 unless you have time in your life to work at it. Life just happens. Work, routines, busy schedules, pregnancy, etc. Accept yourself and love yourself. Do this for your daughter. Set the example for her so that she can expect others to love her as much as you love her.
Sometimes it is no one else’s fault but your own. Whining is very unattractive. It solves nothing really. If you are unhappy, then make yourself happy. Only you have that power sometimes. Do not waste life waiting for someone to come along to make you happy. I think they have enough to worry about, don’t you think? Remember that it is all about choices. Many things happen as God intends them and sometimes those things are not our choice like an illness, a horrible accident, death but otherwise take life by horns and hold on tight!!
I know I have made my mistakes and sometimes made bad choices but I continue to grow and learn. I hope that I set a good example for you and teach you through example how to be a strong woman, a good wife, a nurturing mother, and an honest friend. I hope you can do the same for your daughter and all the other women in your life.
Love,
Momma
I intended to write this a while back but put it off thinking I would mind my own business but then I realized that I could share these thoughts with you. I realized that if I couldn’t save all the other girls in the world, that I need to try my best to save you.
My sweet daughter…
Make some mistakes and learn from them. Just try to not make my mistakes. I already made them for you to learn from.
Do not ever settle. Do not ever settle with what you get from others or yourself. You deserve the world. You deserve respect and appreciation. You deserve to be important to someone else and to yourself. To love someone is to put their interests ahead of your own at times, to lift them up to be their best, to nurture them, to help them, to make them better at being who they are. Is it selfish to expect this? No. Is it fair to do the same for the one you love. Of course. That is what being in love and in a relationship is all about. You should be each others soft place to fall when you need comfort and support.
Is it lady like to be modest and humble, to not expect him to remember your birthday or anniversary? Is it ok to say you have received flowers only once in ten years from him? No, not really. I guarantee it’s not. Is it too much to ask for? No. So ask. So expect it.
Speak up. No one can read your mind. If you are not getting what you want or what you need, it is because you haven’t asked for it. If leaving the seat up is really that important compared to the big picture, then say so. You may not get what you want, but you never know. He may surprise you.
Pick your battles. You are not perfect either. The toilet seat up may drive you nuts but looking at your curling iron every morning may ruin his day. If your baby wants to wear striped pants with a polka dot shirt, I think she will be just fine.
Be humble and kind about your beauty. Accept it but do not flaunt it if it means you will hurt the insecure person next to you. Now that is really unattractive. It’s called being conceited. Confident and conceited are not the same thing. Know how to take a compliment. Just take the compliment. You deserve it.
Do not rush. You do not have to be married before you are 25. You do not have to have kids before you turn 30. Even if everyone else is. There are no rules. If you rush, you may make the wrong choice for all the wrong reasons. I promise you that you will look as beautiful in your wedding gown when you are 32 than you would at 22.
Do not always say yes. Have a backbone. We already had Someone sacrifice themselves so that we could be happy. Take that gift and love yourself. Sometimes it is ok to just say no. I guarantee no one will love you any less if you do.
Do not hold a grudge. When someone hurts you, they take power over you. When you do not forgive them, they keep that power. Just put it in God’s hands and believe in Karma. It has never failed me. J
Follow the Golden Rule always.
Do not stop smiling. “Nunca dejes de sonreir, ni siquiera cuando estes triste, porque nunca sabes quien se puede enamoroar de tu sonrisa.” –Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Do not try to heal the world unless you have already healed yourself. Unless you are a skilled professional and do it for a living, you cannot heal the world. You can comfort and support but you cannot solve everyone else’s problems. You will end up forgetting yourself. And if you are unhappy and empty, chances are that everyone around you that loves you has suffered for it somehow.
Sing your song. Do not be too busy or preoccupied with everyone else that you forget to sing your song. Be who you dreamed of being and do what you dreamed you would do. Time will quickly pass and you will find yourself with a long list of things that never got done.
Surrender to God. The highest expression of faith is to rest. So stop worrying and put it in God’s hands. Don’t pray for money or success or a man. Just pray for happiness because only He knows what form it will come in.
Don’t waste the pretty. You are pretty. You are definitely too pretty for him. And him. And him. Are you tall enough? Skinny enough? Are your nails perfect? Your hair perfect? Compared to what? You’re body will constantly change and one day what your body is capable of will amaze you so take care of it and accept it for what it is. You will not weigh at 35 what you weighed when you were 20 unless you have time in your life to work at it. Life just happens. Work, routines, busy schedules, pregnancy, etc. Accept yourself and love yourself. Do this for your daughter. Set the example for her so that she can expect others to love her as much as you love her.
Sometimes it is no one else’s fault but your own. Whining is very unattractive. It solves nothing really. If you are unhappy, then make yourself happy. Only you have that power sometimes. Do not waste life waiting for someone to come along to make you happy. I think they have enough to worry about, don’t you think? Remember that it is all about choices. Many things happen as God intends them and sometimes those things are not our choice like an illness, a horrible accident, death but otherwise take life by horns and hold on tight!!
I know I have made my mistakes and sometimes made bad choices but I continue to grow and learn. I hope that I set a good example for you and teach you through example how to be a strong woman, a good wife, a nurturing mother, and an honest friend. I hope you can do the same for your daughter and all the other women in your life.
Love,
Momma
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Your 6th Birthday
Dear Julie Pie,
Six years ago you came into my organized, clean, and predictable life like a tornado. It was hard, J. You and I had some rough days, months actually but the memories created watching you grow and flourish slowly erased all those ugly dark ones. I began to breathe and listen and look and together we discovered all the beautiful things God created for us.
I love kissing the palms of your hands. As a baby they were always so soft and warm and chubby. Now I love when your little hands comb my hair into crazy pigtails or when you gently put on ten layers of makeup on my face or offer to rub my shoulders. I don't know how I will get through writing this letter while at work without bawling…. That is what I remember Julianne. Those little hands and big, brown eyes are stamped in my mind and not the depression, the fears, the colic, and the long car rides. I hope that is what you remember too. From the moment they placed you on my chest, I vowed to be devoted to you. I vowed to never make a decision before considering how it would affect you. I vowed to tell you that I love you even when it annoyed you to no end because I didn't want one of your most special memories later to be of the ONE time your momma awkwardly told you she loved you. I want you to hear it so much that it is as normal and expected as hearing someone say Good Morning. I vowed to let you get as filthy as you wanted as long as you were smiling and exploring. I vowed to stop and get dirty with you. I hope you can one day look back and know in your heart with no doubt that your momma loved you. That your momma misses you when you are gone and cries because she misses you so much it hurts.
"How would you describe your child's personality?…. It was one of the hardest questions I've ever been asked because there were only three lines for the answer, and I felt like I was trying to describe a rainbow to someone who has been blind their entire life."
Julianne, you are so smart. I hope you got it from both momma and daddy. You are giving and caring and kind. You love playing outside and collecting rocks. I think we could build a wall around our house with all the rocks I have found in the washer. You are not very shy anymore and love telling strangers all about your daily adventures. You LOVE strawberries. I work just so that we can afford to buy them everyday. Just kidding. You LOVE Hershey's chocolate and ask for them everyday I pick you up. I am so proud of you for having so much love in your heart to share with all the new people in your life. I know you have brought joy and love to all of them.
I never knew a love so deep and consuming until you came into my life. The cliche phrase "I would die for you" meant nothing until I met you. I wouldn't trade all our fights over clothes and food and headbands for a thing in the world. I wouldn't trade the way you immediately sit up in the morning talking 100 miles an hour. I don't remember life before you. I don't really want to.
I hope you always have sobaco tacos for me.
And now if you could just stop growing up so fast. Just stay as you are, so funny, and smart. Stay.
Love, Momma
P.S. I love you more than that!! Got you!
Six years ago you came into my organized, clean, and predictable life like a tornado. It was hard, J. You and I had some rough days, months actually but the memories created watching you grow and flourish slowly erased all those ugly dark ones. I began to breathe and listen and look and together we discovered all the beautiful things God created for us.
I love kissing the palms of your hands. As a baby they were always so soft and warm and chubby. Now I love when your little hands comb my hair into crazy pigtails or when you gently put on ten layers of makeup on my face or offer to rub my shoulders. I don't know how I will get through writing this letter while at work without bawling…. That is what I remember Julianne. Those little hands and big, brown eyes are stamped in my mind and not the depression, the fears, the colic, and the long car rides. I hope that is what you remember too. From the moment they placed you on my chest, I vowed to be devoted to you. I vowed to never make a decision before considering how it would affect you. I vowed to tell you that I love you even when it annoyed you to no end because I didn't want one of your most special memories later to be of the ONE time your momma awkwardly told you she loved you. I want you to hear it so much that it is as normal and expected as hearing someone say Good Morning. I vowed to let you get as filthy as you wanted as long as you were smiling and exploring. I vowed to stop and get dirty with you. I hope you can one day look back and know in your heart with no doubt that your momma loved you. That your momma misses you when you are gone and cries because she misses you so much it hurts.
"How would you describe your child's personality?…. It was one of the hardest questions I've ever been asked because there were only three lines for the answer, and I felt like I was trying to describe a rainbow to someone who has been blind their entire life."
Julianne, you are so smart. I hope you got it from both momma and daddy. You are giving and caring and kind. You love playing outside and collecting rocks. I think we could build a wall around our house with all the rocks I have found in the washer. You are not very shy anymore and love telling strangers all about your daily adventures. You LOVE strawberries. I work just so that we can afford to buy them everyday. Just kidding. You LOVE Hershey's chocolate and ask for them everyday I pick you up. I am so proud of you for having so much love in your heart to share with all the new people in your life. I know you have brought joy and love to all of them.
I never knew a love so deep and consuming until you came into my life. The cliche phrase "I would die for you" meant nothing until I met you. I wouldn't trade all our fights over clothes and food and headbands for a thing in the world. I wouldn't trade the way you immediately sit up in the morning talking 100 miles an hour. I don't remember life before you. I don't really want to.
I hope you always have sobaco tacos for me.
And now if you could just stop growing up so fast. Just stay as you are, so funny, and smart. Stay.
Love, Momma
P.S. I love you more than that!! Got you!
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