Last night there was a football game where during halftime, they would have a ceremony to honor all the first responders. There was such a great and strong sense of unity and community that filled the stadium.
Before halftime, I went to the potty to be sure I avoided the lines during halftime and to make sure I was back in my seat before the presentation. On my way back I got caught up in a sea of firefighters as they came down from the bleachers to go down onto the field. There were hundreds of them. Most of them looked exhausted and were covered in soot. I couldn't help but cry to think that all these men and women had come out and allowed us to show our gratitude when I am sure they would have much rather have gone straight home...to their hotel to take a hot shower and go to sleep and start all over again tomorrow until this war is over.
They remind me of soldiers. A soldier may argue with me about the level of heroism but these men and women are voluntarily walking into a war with mother nature in defense of people they have never even met. And they too do not know if they will be home safe and sound at the end of their trip.
Thank you.
Showing posts with label grateful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grateful. Show all posts
Friday, September 16, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
fear
It was surreal. I've never known a more appropriate time to use such a word but last week was definitely surreal like a horrible Armageddon movie. As the week went on I wanted so badly to remember every little detail and thought that raced through my mind, but I couldn't and it was just exhausting.
Sunday afternoon we were driving back from our visit to Houston. It was probably around 3pm. When we were on I-10 we noticed a lot of smoke and instantly knew there must be an ugly grass fire somewhere. We traveled on. As we approached Smithville, we saw a lot of smoke coming from the direction of 21. Matt instantly knew that it was going to turn into something terrible. He had mentioned time and time again that a fire in the pines with layers and layers of dry pine needles on the ground and dry pine trees all around would one day spell catastrophe for our little town. As we approached the intersection of Tahitian Drive and 71, Matt had to come to a screeching halt as fire trucks came at us and headed where we had just come from. The fire was about to cross south over 71 and we had just missed it.
The week was full of ups and downs. We were blessed to not have to evacuate and not have to fear the worst but I couldn't help but worry for my family, my friends, my town. Evacuate, come home, evacuate, come home. Contained, not contained. 300 homes lost, 600, 700, 1400 homes destroyed.
From our house you could see the black smoke by 21 and 95.
From our house you could hear and see the Blackhawks and planes flying by, so low you'd think you could touch them.
From our house you could smell the smoke that filled the air and it wasn't safe to leave the house.
In front of every other house and in each parking lot in town there is an RV parked indefinitely until a family finds a home.
From my house I worried about Matt and that he may end up in a dangerous situation trying to help someone else.
In our town, there is a little city of tents and RVs from all the insurance companies filing claims for people.
In our town, there are hundreds of firefighters all over the place eating, resting, buying essentials.
Pets have died. Houses have vanished. Our teachers and th
e children I see day in and day out have lost their homes. The waitress at the restaurant, the walmart employee. It gives you a whole new perspective on the word homeless. Insurance or no insurances, renters or owners, it doesn't matter, they are now homeless. Can you even picture 1400 homes? I can't. Out of no where I'd remember one more person to add to the list of people I needed to check up on and even today, 7 days later, friends are still just finding out if there home is still standing.
I saw 5 green Forest Service trucks drive by full of firefighters and all i could do was cry. I cried because they reminded me of soldiers going in to fight a war, fighting for us and they didn't even know us. I cried when i found out Janet's house was spared because the stress of thinking it was gone for days before that was just too much to bare. There are moments in your life that really break your heart. I know for all of us September 11th will forever be one of those moments. For our little town of Bastrop and the town of Smithville, September 4th will also be one of those moments. I was blessed. Blessed that my little family was safe and unaffected but I hurt for every one else. I hurt for the dozen of friends and family that I know are stricken with sadness and fear of having to rebuild their home all over. I have never been more afraid and sad. Never.
Sunday afternoon we were driving back from our visit to Houston. It was probably around 3pm. When we were on I-10 we noticed a lot of smoke and instantly knew there must be an ugly grass fire somewhere. We traveled on. As we approached Smithville, we saw a lot of smoke coming from the direction of 21. Matt instantly knew that it was going to turn into something terrible. He had mentioned time and time again that a fire in the pines with layers and layers of dry pine needles on the ground and dry pine trees all around would one day spell catastrophe for our little town. As we approached the intersection of Tahitian Drive and 71, Matt had to come to a screeching halt as fire trucks came at us and headed where we had just come from. The fire was about to cross south over 71 and we had just missed it.
The week was full of ups and downs. We were blessed to not have to evacuate and not have to fear the worst but I couldn't help but worry for my family, my friends, my town. Evacuate, come home, evacuate, come home. Contained, not contained. 300 homes lost, 600, 700, 1400 homes destroyed.
From our house you could see the black smoke by 21 and 95.
From our house you could hear and see the Blackhawks and planes flying by, so low you'd think you could touch them.
From our house you could smell the smoke that filled the air and it wasn't safe to leave the house.
In front of every other house and in each parking lot in town there is an RV parked indefinitely until a family finds a home.
From my house I worried about Matt and that he may end up in a dangerous situation trying to help someone else.
In our town, there is a little city of tents and RVs from all the insurance companies filing claims for people.
In our town, there are hundreds of firefighters all over the place eating, resting, buying essentials.
Pets have died. Houses have vanished. Our teachers and th
e children I see day in and day out have lost their homes. The waitress at the restaurant, the walmart employee. It gives you a whole new perspective on the word homeless. Insurance or no insurances, renters or owners, it doesn't matter, they are now homeless. Can you even picture 1400 homes? I can't. Out of no where I'd remember one more person to add to the list of people I needed to check up on and even today, 7 days later, friends are still just finding out if there home is still standing. I saw 5 green Forest Service trucks drive by full of firefighters and all i could do was cry. I cried because they reminded me of soldiers going in to fight a war, fighting for us and they didn't even know us. I cried when i found out Janet's house was spared because the stress of thinking it was gone for days before that was just too much to bare. There are moments in your life that really break your heart. I know for all of us September 11th will forever be one of those moments. For our little town of Bastrop and the town of Smithville, September 4th will also be one of those moments. I was blessed. Blessed that my little family was safe and unaffected but I hurt for every one else. I hurt for the dozen of friends and family that I know are stricken with sadness and fear of having to rebuild their home all over. I have never been more afraid and sad. Never.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Two years
I haven't written in a while. I just haven't been moved to do so and in my world that is mostly a good thing because usually I write when I have something to vent about. But it hasn't really been because of a lack of drama because as usual, there has been plenty. I think I just feel so fulfilled and at peace with all the good and even the bad in my life that I'm...balanced, I suppose.
The last two years have been difficult financially for us. I watched the ugliest of arguements between my parents growing up and they were 99% of the time because of money and the lack of it but I am surprised and lucky that we have miraculously survived and continued to love and laugh throughout our tough times. It's comforting to know that in the short time that we have been married, we have gone through some serious things and have grown stronger from it. The corny cliches that money can't buy you love and that money isn't everything exist for a reason because even though the bank account is scarce, I have never been this happy before. I have a husband that truly loves me and beautiful, healthy children. My children are loving, intelligent, and giving. They are not materialistic or bratty.
I sleep peacefully at night. My husband doesn't resent me for things I do or do not do. I love my in-laws and they love me. My job has some pros and some cons, but I am blessed to have a job and one that I enjoy. Although we don't have much, I continue to give and help others without keeping tab or expecting anything in return. My home is not much, the floors are still a mess but it is clean and organized and homey and there are warm meals in our bellies 80% of the time.
My children are not getting extravagant gifts this Christmas and I do not have to send out gift registries for all the garbage they don't need because I know that my son will be thrilled with his $7 skateboard. Someone posted this quote the other day....
So anyway, the honey has decided what he wants to be when he grows up and together we are on the road to making it happen. Certain people are finally in a good place in their life which makes me very happy because that means they are back in my life. Red Rock is back in our hearts where it's meant to be so that we can appreciate it like it deserves. And even if we do not win the lottery on January 1st, I can already tell that 2011 is going to be good. It's going to be good just like the last two years. ;)
The last two years have been difficult financially for us. I watched the ugliest of arguements between my parents growing up and they were 99% of the time because of money and the lack of it but I am surprised and lucky that we have miraculously survived and continued to love and laugh throughout our tough times. It's comforting to know that in the short time that we have been married, we have gone through some serious things and have grown stronger from it. The corny cliches that money can't buy you love and that money isn't everything exist for a reason because even though the bank account is scarce, I have never been this happy before. I have a husband that truly loves me and beautiful, healthy children. My children are loving, intelligent, and giving. They are not materialistic or bratty.
I sleep peacefully at night. My husband doesn't resent me for things I do or do not do. I love my in-laws and they love me. My job has some pros and some cons, but I am blessed to have a job and one that I enjoy. Although we don't have much, I continue to give and help others without keeping tab or expecting anything in return. My home is not much, the floors are still a mess but it is clean and organized and homey and there are warm meals in our bellies 80% of the time.
My children are not getting extravagant gifts this Christmas and I do not have to send out gift registries for all the garbage they don't need because I know that my son will be thrilled with his $7 skateboard. Someone posted this quote the other day....
Your children need your presence more than they need your presents.
~~Jesse Jackson
Preach it Jesse!!! Amen!!! Nothing could be more true!!! And our children deserve just that.
So anyway, the honey has decided what he wants to be when he grows up and together we are on the road to making it happen. Certain people are finally in a good place in their life which makes me very happy because that means they are back in my life. Red Rock is back in our hearts where it's meant to be so that we can appreciate it like it deserves. And even if we do not win the lottery on January 1st, I can already tell that 2011 is going to be good. It's going to be good just like the last two years. ;)
Friday, July 2, 2010
I'm Rich!!!!!!!
This morning I sat down to balance the checkbook and pay bills since I just got paid. The thrill I usually get at the beginning of the month when my fat paycheck gets direct deposited was quickly gone when I realized that this month may be tight since M was moved to the tiny weekend shift and that as long as it is raining, no one is going to call to get their carpets cleaned. I'm so tired of being poor. I wish I could go to mall and just buy myself a cute pair of heels just because. Well, not just because. Because I actually could use a new pair to replace my other pair of boring black heels that I have had reheeled so many times...
But then I went to church today during lunch. I am trying to go Fridays since going on Sundays seems near to impossible. The priest spoke about Mother Teresa and how when she visited the US she said that although we were one of the richest countries in the world, we were all very poor. Although materialistically we are wealthy, we are poor spiritually. Smack!! Just smack me in the face why don't you.
We are getting by and taking care of what is important. I am wealthy in many ways. The most important treasures in my life are my beautiful and healthy children, my blessed marriage with a man that truly loves me and tells me I am beautiful everyday, a roof over my head and four strong walls to keep us all safe and sound. I am rich because I have a job when so many people of all economic levels cannot seem to find one and I have peace and happiness in my mind and heart that allow me to sleep soundly at night. What more could I ask for?
But then I went to church today during lunch. I am trying to go Fridays since going on Sundays seems near to impossible. The priest spoke about Mother Teresa and how when she visited the US she said that although we were one of the richest countries in the world, we were all very poor. Although materialistically we are wealthy, we are poor spiritually. Smack!! Just smack me in the face why don't you.
We are getting by and taking care of what is important. I am wealthy in many ways. The most important treasures in my life are my beautiful and healthy children, my blessed marriage with a man that truly loves me and tells me I am beautiful everyday, a roof over my head and four strong walls to keep us all safe and sound. I am rich because I have a job when so many people of all economic levels cannot seem to find one and I have peace and happiness in my mind and heart that allow me to sleep soundly at night. What more could I ask for?
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Tio Chapo
I have been very blessed to have attended very few funerals in my life. Actually, I had never lost a relative that I loved so much until a few weeks ago. I know my pain cannot compare to that of my Tio Chapo's children, 23 grandchildren, 20 great-grandchildren, my Tia Nacha, or his siblings' pain but it was surreal and quite devastating.
I have been approximately 600 miles away from him for the last 14 years, oblivious to how difficult his life had become because of his cancer. I was at a safe distance visiting him whenever I went back home, talking occasionally on the phone, sharing a few laughs. And honestly in the last year or so I was just in denial, refusing to let myself dwell on the possibility of losing him. I saw him last year at a family function and I couldn't help but run outside and cry like I hadn't cried in a very long time after I saw how frail he was.
See, let me tell you about this man and his family.... Tio Chapo was the epitome of strength. My entire life he had been the one who both my mother and father looked to for advice and wisdom and help of any kind. He taught my dad everything he now knows about mechanics and diesel engines. The extent of my dad's mechanical knowledge before my Tio was how to change the chain on a ten-speed. I do not think my Tio ever, ever said no. Whether it was for advice or help, he never turned his back on my parents or our family.
You would pull up to his house and would be overcome with a sense of calm and home. You would walk in and find him in the kitchen sitting in his favorite chair by the window while my Tia walked around cooking something delicious. As silly as this sounds, their phone number and address is something I have always had memorized since I was very little just in case...just in case. They are the closest I ever got to grandparents and I am lucky that I at least had them. His voice resonated and even now I cannot get it out of my head. His presence in a room even when he was very frail in his final years was impossible to ignore. So to see him that day at the party so frail and thin and using a cane, I was devastated and shocked because that is not the image of him I have in my head. In my mind, my Tio Chapo is and will always be that jolly, large, and strong man with the thunderous voice and silly sense of humor just like in my favorite picture where I am a baby and I have fallen asleep on his Santa belly. Every time my dad's phone rings, I will anxiously wait to hear him say "Que paso Compadre?". When I go back home to visit, there won't be that warm welcome when I walk into that kitchen.
While we were sitting at the rosary, I looked around to see the funeral home just bursting at the seams with people. Family alone took up most of the room but all the other people that knew and loved him were there too and I started to think how differently we all must feel to lose him. I wondered how much different my sorrow was compared to that of one of his old friends or compared to one of my younger 2nd or 3rd cousins who didn't know him as well or as long as the rest of us. I wondered what kind of sorrow my dad would feel now that he had lost truly his best and only friend.
I know we all felt something different but this entry is for me. This entry is so that I can finally allow myself to mourn. It is to allow myself to be sad at random moments in the day when I think of him and hear his voice in my head and realize that I'll never hear it again.
Gracias Tio Chapo
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Small glass of water
Sometimes my life is so hectic and I have so many things on my mental to-do list that I feel like I am drowning in my own little glass of water. I get angry at the circumstances and the hurdles I'm having to leap over. I try to think of the women I most look up to and that they have in their own difficult times carried heavier burdens on their shoulders as mothers and wives. I try to remind myself that the stress, fear, exhaustion, and frustration I am experiencing is being felt by thousands of women over the world. Yet at times I can't help the urge to just fade away.
I can close my eyes for a moment and just envision myself floating. Floating away like a balloon that eventually disintegrates and becomes dust. But it makes me sad that I am not as strong as my heroes; that I don't have my own garden, join the PTA, and parent my children all alone while my husband works away for days at a time. These women have been through so much more and yet here I am, constantly feeling the weight of unhappiness, anxiety that consumes me, incessantly whining to the point that even I cannot stand the sound of my own voice. Instead I should feel blessed and alive and willing to take on more and give more of myself to others instead of perpetrating this feeling of helplessness. Here I am, getting by one day at a time and drowning in my small glass of water.
I can close my eyes for a moment and just envision myself floating. Floating away like a balloon that eventually disintegrates and becomes dust. But it makes me sad that I am not as strong as my heroes; that I don't have my own garden, join the PTA, and parent my children all alone while my husband works away for days at a time. These women have been through so much more and yet here I am, constantly feeling the weight of unhappiness, anxiety that consumes me, incessantly whining to the point that even I cannot stand the sound of my own voice. Instead I should feel blessed and alive and willing to take on more and give more of myself to others instead of perpetrating this feeling of helplessness. Here I am, getting by one day at a time and drowning in my small glass of water.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Sometimes in the morning when shadows are deep,
I lie here beside you, just watching you sleep,
and sometimes I whisper what I'm thinking of,
my cup runneth over with love.
Sometimes in the ev'ning when you do not see,
I study the small things you do constantly,
I memorize moments that I'm fondest of,
my cup runneth over with love.
In only a moment, we both will be old,
we won't even notice the world turning cold,
and so in this moment with sunlight above,
my cup runneth over with love.
I heard the phrase 'my cup runneth over' in the movie Hope Floats and it is a perfect way of describing how my heart feels when things are ok in my world. My heart feels so filled with happiness that I feel it is overflowing, that maybe it could stretch to its limits.
In this moment, my cup runneth over with love.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
The Battle of Greener Grass
I am having trouble figuring out how I define my success so bare with me as I talk myself straight into some clarity.
It is an issue that causes me great conflict and tremendous guilt. I always believed I was destined for greatness.... now I am not sure if I achieved it or if it is yet to come. And the fact that this is actually on my mind makes me feel ashamed because I should feel grateful for the blessings that I do have instead of wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. I should appreciate every day I live instead of trying to meet an expectation or a timeline.
My husband adores me and my children are healthy and beautiful. I have not suffered great pain in my life. My parents are still married to each other and are healthy and alive. My siblings are successful in their own lives and have given me a beautiful niece, nephew, and wonderful 'in-laws'. I have a roof over my head and a vehicle that gets me from point A to B. I have some of the things that others wish they had. So what is missing? Which little basket is still empty?
Career and finance. Can those just not fit in the category of blessings from God? Yes, I know. Money cannot buy you love and happiness. I'm just frustrated. I'm frustrated with 'getting by', 'surviving another 8 hours in the cubicle', the prospect of filing, looking at these numbers day in and day out, looking at the scale day in and day out.
So here it is, here is how I'm going to see it.... I am just a few hops and skips away from the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and just because I'm 34 doesn't mean I don’t have enough steam in me to take those last few steps. What's in my future? Making the most out of this real estate opportunity and my husband's new company. Finally being financially comfortable to be able to take a sigh of relief and be available for my family. Being so satisfied in my career that I can be excited to get out of bed every morning.
That is where I am headed. Greatness.
It is an issue that causes me great conflict and tremendous guilt. I always believed I was destined for greatness.... now I am not sure if I achieved it or if it is yet to come. And the fact that this is actually on my mind makes me feel ashamed because I should feel grateful for the blessings that I do have instead of wondering if the grass is greener on the other side. I should appreciate every day I live instead of trying to meet an expectation or a timeline.
My husband adores me and my children are healthy and beautiful. I have not suffered great pain in my life. My parents are still married to each other and are healthy and alive. My siblings are successful in their own lives and have given me a beautiful niece, nephew, and wonderful 'in-laws'. I have a roof over my head and a vehicle that gets me from point A to B. I have some of the things that others wish they had. So what is missing? Which little basket is still empty?
- Relationship basket: CHECK; I have a wonderful, hard working, supportive, and very handsome husband.
- Children basket: CHECK; two beautiful children
- Home basket: CHECK; bought and sold a few
- Degree basket: CHECK; took forever but I finished!
- Career basket: BLAH!
- Finances basket: YUCK!
Career and finance. Can those just not fit in the category of blessings from God? Yes, I know. Money cannot buy you love and happiness. I'm just frustrated. I'm frustrated with 'getting by', 'surviving another 8 hours in the cubicle', the prospect of filing, looking at these numbers day in and day out, looking at the scale day in and day out.
So here it is, here is how I'm going to see it.... I am just a few hops and skips away from the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and just because I'm 34 doesn't mean I don’t have enough steam in me to take those last few steps. What's in my future? Making the most out of this real estate opportunity and my husband's new company. Finally being financially comfortable to be able to take a sigh of relief and be available for my family. Being so satisfied in my career that I can be excited to get out of bed every morning.
That is where I am headed. Greatness.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
i wish, i want, i need
I have met people in my life that have huge voids and just cannot seem to fill them. Some want to fill them with drinking or drugs, bad relationships, some with their careers, and some with material things. But I have also met people that are very complacent and lack some healthy ambition. So then where does that put me if I have a problem with both sides?
I feel fulfilled but I don't feel like I have hit my potential or accomplished everything that I could. I don't have a sense of emptiness. I don't feel like I am wandering around aimlessly or always wanting more and more. I can actually just sit still. And as I think about some of these people that seem 'empty', I can honestly tell you that the common thread between them is their lack of spirituality. No, not religion, spirituality. I have God in my heart. Go ahead, puke just a little as you read this. If you know me, you know that I am not some fanatic. You know that I have screwed up at least 5 out of the 10 commandments...hey, I am so bad that I couldn't even tell you what all 10 are. I do not go to church every Sunday and I think some of our 'rules' are antiquated and not practical anymore. But I have FAITH and I BELIEVE. And although some of these ...lets call them 'empties'...although some of these empties BELIEVE, I don't see that they have unconditional faith. I don't see that they SURRENDER.
I see pretty things on TV or on my quarterly trip to the mall but don't obsess over them. I do understand the feeling you get when you've bought something new. (It's kind of like the feeling I get when I had some yummy carbs.) So if you ask me what I want for Christmas, I would have to think really, really hard. So I shall take this opportunity though to make a wish list. A wish list so you can see just how hard it is for me to come up with stuff which means that over all, my life is pretty blessed.....let's see how long this takes me :)
I wish...
I could get back in shape as quickly as I did with J
I could lose just 8 pounds
I had more closet space
I could get rid of some of the clutter
my car was always clean
I could afford someone to iron my clothes
I had perfect eyebrows
my makeup and hair ALWAYS looked perfect
I had pretty hands
J liked girly clothes
I could worry just a little less about money, just a little
my family lived closer, just a little closer
I could be the magic little pill that healed his heart
she would make up her mind
I could write a book
I was the supervisor somewhere
I could dance
I took some bad ass, professional pictures and knew lots about photography
I knew how to make tamales and pozole
I could get a good night's sleep
I didn't have to spend my afternoons in the kitchen
I had the energy to exercise cuz I know I would feel so much better
The End
I feel fulfilled but I don't feel like I have hit my potential or accomplished everything that I could. I don't have a sense of emptiness. I don't feel like I am wandering around aimlessly or always wanting more and more. I can actually just sit still. And as I think about some of these people that seem 'empty', I can honestly tell you that the common thread between them is their lack of spirituality. No, not religion, spirituality. I have God in my heart. Go ahead, puke just a little as you read this. If you know me, you know that I am not some fanatic. You know that I have screwed up at least 5 out of the 10 commandments...hey, I am so bad that I couldn't even tell you what all 10 are. I do not go to church every Sunday and I think some of our 'rules' are antiquated and not practical anymore. But I have FAITH and I BELIEVE. And although some of these ...lets call them 'empties'...although some of these empties BELIEVE, I don't see that they have unconditional faith. I don't see that they SURRENDER.
I see pretty things on TV or on my quarterly trip to the mall but don't obsess over them. I do understand the feeling you get when you've bought something new. (It's kind of like the feeling I get when I had some yummy carbs.) So if you ask me what I want for Christmas, I would have to think really, really hard. So I shall take this opportunity though to make a wish list. A wish list so you can see just how hard it is for me to come up with stuff which means that over all, my life is pretty blessed.....let's see how long this takes me :)
I wish...
I could get back in shape as quickly as I did with J
I could lose just 8 pounds
I had more closet space
I could get rid of some of the clutter
my car was always clean
I could afford someone to iron my clothes
I had perfect eyebrows
my makeup and hair ALWAYS looked perfect
I had pretty hands
J liked girly clothes
I could worry just a little less about money, just a little
my family lived closer, just a little closer
I could be the magic little pill that healed his heart
she would make up her mind
I could write a book
I was the supervisor somewhere
I could dance
I took some bad ass, professional pictures and knew lots about photography
I knew how to make tamales and pozole
I could get a good night's sleep
I didn't have to spend my afternoons in the kitchen
I had the energy to exercise cuz I know I would feel so much better
The End
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Thankful
This year I am thankful for...
all of me, inside and out,
my daughter who is becoming a sweet young lady,
my son who has blessed us with having a sweet demeanor,
all the love my husband gives me,
the health of my parents,
the health and good fortune of my brother and my sister and their families,
my future sister in law,
my job,
Tyler's daycare,
my work friends,
my myspace friends,
my dear friends,
all of my husband's family for loving us so much,
my home,
my husband's good looks :),
my son's smiling blue eyes,
and my pesky doggies.
all of me, inside and out,
my daughter who is becoming a sweet young lady,
my son who has blessed us with having a sweet demeanor,
all the love my husband gives me,
the health of my parents,
the health and good fortune of my brother and my sister and their families,
my future sister in law,
my job,
Tyler's daycare,
my work friends,
my myspace friends,
my dear friends,
all of my husband's family for loving us so much,
my home,
my husband's good looks :),
my son's smiling blue eyes,
and my pesky doggies.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Feliz Cumpleanos Mom
Today is my dear mother's birthday. I know she will never read this because she does not operate fancy technology :) but I want to tell the world that it is her birthday and how much she means to me.
My mom is hard working, hyper, stubborn, giving, practical, and inventive. Her faults are endless and our hard times between her and I were..well, really rough but the truth is that I can recount those faults and those hard times and not feel a grain of resentment or anger because the support and love, however twisted it is at times, far outweighs the negative. My mother has never handed us anything on a silver platter yet I feel like the luckiest daughter in the world. I have never and will never feel alone and helpless because I know that regardless of what choices I make in life, she is there for me. I never have to feel like I do not belong to a family or a home because she is all that for me.
I get calls from her throughout the day and she takes off talking a mile a minute about something that has been on her mind and kept her up all night regarding my life. Sometimes my worries weigh heavier on her shoulders and on her heart than they do for me. She has always had options and a variety of solutions to our problems whether we want them or not and will go out of her way to help us.
My mom was never very nurturing or gentle or what you would call sweet but yet when I feel like I can just handle no more pain, emotional or physical, it is her that I long for. She was never one to hug us for the sake of just hugging or tell us that she loved us but I have NEVER ever doubted if she did or not. She lives her life for her children and has done a damn good job raising 3 knuckleheads. I used to think my family was soooo dysfunctional (whose isn't, really?) but now as I have gotten older and met so many other families, I have realized we are pretty darn cool. My brother and sister are my best friends. I love spending time with my entire family and we always have so much fun even when we are annoyed and start being whiny, grumpy babies. None of us are psycho nutcases or crackheads and we are all pretty cute to boot. I think she did a fine job!
I can close my eyes at this very moment and remember exactly what my mom smells like, how her voice sounds, how her arms feel around me. I know I will always remember.
Mom, se que nunca fuimos la clase de familia que se moria por decir 'Te Quiero' a cada instante, pero nunca por un minuto dude si me querias o no. Te quiero mucho. El que Diosito te haiga escogida a ti para ser mi mama, fue la bendicion mas grande que me pudo dar. No te cambiaria por nadie en el mundo. Feliz Cumpleanos.
My mom is hard working, hyper, stubborn, giving, practical, and inventive. Her faults are endless and our hard times between her and I were..well, really rough but the truth is that I can recount those faults and those hard times and not feel a grain of resentment or anger because the support and love, however twisted it is at times, far outweighs the negative. My mother has never handed us anything on a silver platter yet I feel like the luckiest daughter in the world. I have never and will never feel alone and helpless because I know that regardless of what choices I make in life, she is there for me. I never have to feel like I do not belong to a family or a home because she is all that for me.
I get calls from her throughout the day and she takes off talking a mile a minute about something that has been on her mind and kept her up all night regarding my life. Sometimes my worries weigh heavier on her shoulders and on her heart than they do for me. She has always had options and a variety of solutions to our problems whether we want them or not and will go out of her way to help us.
My mom was never very nurturing or gentle or what you would call sweet but yet when I feel like I can just handle no more pain, emotional or physical, it is her that I long for. She was never one to hug us for the sake of just hugging or tell us that she loved us but I have NEVER ever doubted if she did or not. She lives her life for her children and has done a damn good job raising 3 knuckleheads. I used to think my family was soooo dysfunctional (whose isn't, really?) but now as I have gotten older and met so many other families, I have realized we are pretty darn cool. My brother and sister are my best friends. I love spending time with my entire family and we always have so much fun even when we are annoyed and start being whiny, grumpy babies. None of us are psycho nutcases or crackheads and we are all pretty cute to boot. I think she did a fine job!
I can close my eyes at this very moment and remember exactly what my mom smells like, how her voice sounds, how her arms feel around me. I know I will always remember.
Mom, se que nunca fuimos la clase de familia que se moria por decir 'Te Quiero' a cada instante, pero nunca por un minuto dude si me querias o no. Te quiero mucho. El que Diosito te haiga escogida a ti para ser mi mama, fue la bendicion mas grande que me pudo dar. No te cambiaria por nadie en el mundo. Feliz Cumpleanos.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Blessed
What is happening to my children!?!?! Please tell them to stop growing! It's amazing but just this week alone they have turned into completely different people. Julianne no longer argues about her clothes, getting to bed on time, falling asleep by herself, dinner, getting up on time, walking in to school alone...AMAZING! I think the aliens finally got to her. And Tyler...OMG!!! He started sitting up all by himself. He is eating like a mad man. What is going on?!?! Make it stop!
Anyway, other than the happy tears from watching my healthy, happy wonderful children, I am happy. Very different from where i was exactly 11 years ago today. Just want you to know that my life is perfect even though its not and i am very very very happy.
Anyway, other than the happy tears from watching my healthy, happy wonderful children, I am happy. Very different from where i was exactly 11 years ago today. Just want you to know that my life is perfect even though its not and i am very very very happy.
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